Fantasy fallout: This game featured (and didn't feature) some of this season's biggest fantasy football disappointments not named Tom Brady. Willie Parker is injured and out indefinitely (or "day-to-day" in NFL parlance). Ben Roethlisberger -- who last season was second overall in QB rating (104.1) and third in touchdowns (32) -- has been spending so much time on the turf I'm starting to think he developed narcolepsy in the offseason (or, as my buddy Mr. P calls it, narcosleepy). As a consequence Santonio Holmes, Hines Ward and Heath Miller have been nearly useless. Rashard Mendenhall, who was supposed to be Pittsburgh's next big running back, fractured his left shoulder last night and is out for the season.

On the other side of the ball, Willis McGahee has 106 yards and 1 TD in only two games this season, and he injured both his knee and chest last night...and thus had to leave the game early. Meanwhile, rookie QB Joe Flacco isn't exactly lighting it up: He has exactly one TD on the year (compared to 2 interceptions, 3 fumbles and 6 sacks) and he's averaging a craptastic 150 YPG. I keep hearing the term "game manager" every time he's discussed, and that rarely leads to good things for young QBs. And mind you, this is a guy who's had games against both Cincinnati and Cleveland already. (Random aside: Is it just me, or does anybody else think "Flaccid" when they hear "Flacco"? Yeah, it's probably just me.)

Pittsburgh Steelers through two-and-a-half quarters: By midway through the third quarter, they had exactly one first down. One. In a semi-must-win home game. And, natch, the Pittsburgh crowd booed their team. Happy times in the Iron City. Fortunately for the Steelers, they were playing...

The Baltimore Ravens: Talk about retching up a game they should have won. Late in the third quarter, Baltimore had a 10-point lead that felt more like 30. Pittsburgh's passing game was MIA and they were down to their fourth and last running back. Then, Roethlisberger shocked the world by tossing a 38-yard TD pass to Santonio Holmes -- it was Holmes' first of the season -- to bring the Steelers to within three. Less than 20 seconds later, Joe Flacco coughed up a fumble that LaMarr Woodley returned for a TD. And just like that, the Steelers were up by four. How do you hold a team to 3 points for more than half-an-hour and then give up 14 points in half a minute? That's like a prom date who won't even hold your hand for most of the night suddenly tearing off her clothes, dousing herself in baby oil, and...what was I talking about again?

Mike Tomlin, quote machine: In addition to Mendenhall, the Steelers also lost right guard Kendall Simmons (right Achilles) for the season, which drills yet another hole into their Swiss cheese of an offensive line. But Tomlin is staying strangely optimistic. "It is only devastating if you allow it to be." That's a great sentiment, coach. And it's sort of easy for you to say, since you don't have to stand behind that line while a half-dozen 300-pound monsters are trying to run you down and break you in half. That's like me telling somebody that a bullet can only tear through your insides like butter if you let it.

Meaningless stats: Did you know that Pittsburgh won its 14th consecutive Monday night home game last night, a streak that dates to a 1991 loss to the New York Giants at Three Rivers Stadium? Did you care? Yeah. I didn't think so.

Tony Kornheiser: You can read more about the exploits of Kandy Korn over at Awful Announcing, but I was particularly amused by this gem, in which Tony channeled his inner John Madden. Regarding Big Ben Roethlisberger: "At some point, you are what you are as a quarterback." Maybe he figured if he sounded more like Madden, people would stop pointing out how out of place he is on MNF.

Update! Special note from futuremrsrickankiel: "Please don't forget to call Willis McGahee a tubby piece of shit and Rashard Mendenhall an overrated rookie bust." Consider it done.

Labels: Baltimore Ravens, Ben Roethlisberger, Hines Ward, Joe Flacco, Monday Night Football, Tony Kornheiser, Willie Parker

DeSean Jackson: Even though this site is only a few days old, DeSean is already a first ballot Footbawful Hall of Shamer for last night's historic gaffe. The rookie, after "scoring" his first NFL touchdown, flicked the ball down and starting funky chicken dancing in the end zone. There was only one problem: He dropped the ball before he reached the end zone. Oh yes he did...


Naturally, the Cowboys challenged and won. Fortunately for the Eagles, they got the ball back at the one yard line and Brian Westbrook ran it in on the very next play. Which means that DeSean actually earned praise from Westbrook fantasy owners all across the country. Makes you wonder if DeSean has Westbrook on his fantasy team...

The rook finished the game with six catches for 110 yards, just surpassing his first week totals of 6 catches for 106 yards. Perspective Alert! That makes DeSean only the second player in league history to begin his career with back-to-back 100-yard games. The other one? Not Jerry Rice, or Randy Moss, or Terrell Owens, or Marvin Harrison. It was a man named Don Loony, who did it for Philly in 1940.

Now, lest you think this was an isolated incident for an irrationally exuberant rookie, take heed: In a 2005 high school all-star game, DeSean spread his arms for a swan dive into the end zone, only to land at the 1. Ah, just what the NFL needed. Another talented prima donna receiver.

The first half defense: I guess that's a misnomer, since there wasn't really any defense played in the first half. Unless you count the interception Tony Romo threw directly to Asante Samuel. (This was the first mistake Romo has made in the last 12 months that was not blamed on Jessica Simpson, making it a semi-notable moment.) The first half ended Eagles 30, Cowboys 24. And in case you're wondering, the answer is: Yes, those 54 points set a record for the second-most first half in Monday Night Football history.

Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski and Tony Kornheiser: Yes, it was a fun game filled with lots of scoring, lead changes and drama. And the broadcasting team was excited about it. Some might say too excited. I was fully prepared for the screen to fill up with random squigly lines from Kornheiser humping the telestrator. Seriously, I've been a part of less enthusastic bachelor party trips to Vegas. What are Mike, Ron and Tony going to do now that their lives have officially peaked? It's all downhill from here. I predict they'll go into a full-fledged depression during the Week 6 Giants-Browns matchup, and that we might see TV's first on-air suicide during Week 11's Browns-Bills game.

First Half Tony Romo: Just when it looked like Dallas was about to run away with the game, Romo turned things around -- for the Eagles -- by tossing an interception and fumbling the ball away on consecutive snaps. This spun the game's momentum in Philly's favor, and before you could say "Romo'd!" the Cowboy's 14-6 lead had transformed into a 30-21 deficit. Say it with me kids: Wah-wah-waaaaaaaah.

Fourth Quarter Donovan McNabb: He sure has looked great in the first two games, reminding NFL fans everywhere what he can do when he's, you know, healthy. (Which should last at least two and a half to three more games, by the way.) But he sure did bone things down the stretch, didn't he? The Eagles were leading 37-31 early in the fourth quarter and moving the ball at will -- they were already in Dallas territory -- when McNabb needlessly double-pumped a handoff to Brian Westbrook. Westbrook couldn't recover...but the Cowboys got a field goal to pull it to 37-34. And yes, they went on to score. McNabb couldn't take the Eagles anywhere on their next possession, and a Cowboy drive ended in a Marion Barber touchdown to give Dallas a 41-37 lead. McNabb then suffered two of his four sacks in Philly's final series, which allowed the Cowboys to ice the game. It was a classic example of a quarterback hanging onto the ball too long trying to make something happen. And his team paid for it. Oh well. Maybe he can go drown his sorrows in some Chunky Soup.

Labels: Mike Tirico, Monday Night Football, Ron Jaworski, Tony Kornheiser