Baltimore Ravens over Oakland Raiders. Three words: Take. The. Under. The shut-down Baltimore defense and comatose Baltimore offense will carry the day in a game that will likely feature no more than 3 scoring drives and a whole lot of Darren McFadden getting stuffed. Do not watch this game. I'm in Washington, D.C. (what a whole lot of unnecessary punctuation for one city name) this weekend and I'm doing everything in my power to ensure that I do not get stuck watching this game. I'd recommend that you do the same.

Basketbawful says: What's black, white and red all over. The Raiders after Sunday's game.

Buffalo Bills over Miami Dolphins. I'm truly sorry to those of you Dolphins fans who got all excited by those 2 exciting wins back at the beginning of the season. Now reeling from back-to-back losses to the Ravens (ick) and the Texans (double ick), Miami's inevitable plunge back into irrelevance will be hastened along by a loss to the Bills this weekend. The good news is that they play Denver next week, which means Chad Pennington will absolutely pass for 500 yards and Ronnie Brown will run the ball so hard a few innocent ladies in the stands might get pregnant. And then Dolphins fans will get their hopes up all over again before a second, inevitable disappointment. Which I guess is really bad news.

Basketbawful says: All I have to say is this: I hope all you Ronnie Brown fantasy owners sold high a few weeks ago. Oh, and Trent Edwards is my new man crush.

New England Patriots over St. Louis Rams. Honestly, I don't think anyone knows what to expect from this game. The Patriots rebounded from humiliation at the hands of the Chargers with a totally unexpected ass-whomping of the Broncos; meanwhile, the Rams have apparently chosen to defy the laws of nature entirely and win two games in a row. Seriously, I hear they've also invented a perpetual motion machine that will reverse entropy by 2012 and also makes delicious cupcakes. So, many people will tell you that anything could happen in this game -- like, honestly, Marc Bulger could very well morph into a truck, Optimus Prime-like, and mow down the Patriots defense while throwing a touchdown pass that opens up a portal into another universe. Wouldn't surprise me a bit at this point. I, however, say that the Patriots are absolutely going to win, as the one law of nature that will remain constant no matter what kind of wacky hijinks these Rams pull off is that I never pick against my Patriots. Whee!

Basketbawful says: Hm. I just don't see the Rams winning in New England. But, strangely enough, I can visualize Marc Bulger as Optimus Prime. Which would make Matt Cassel Megatron, right? Man, this is taking me to a scary mental place...

New York Jets over Kansas City Chiefs. Christ, when did the AFC become so awful? The Jets are going to win this, but we're all losers for it.

Basketbawful says: Kansas City might actually stand a chance in this game if Larry Johnson could take a break from choking bitches. But he can't, so they don't.

Jacksonville Jaguars over Cleveland Browns. Hey, everyone, Captain Obvious blogs for! Permit me a quotation, if you will: "[At] some point in their remaining 10 games the Jaguars will have to get on a roll; they will have to put together a significant winning streak of some sort; say, five in a row or six out of seven, seven out of nine, etc." In other words, if the Jaguars want to have a good season they need to win more of their remaining games then they lose. But wait: there's more! "The Jaguars’ fate this season will be determined over the next five weeks," reveals our daring blogger. That will put us at, oh, Week 12 -- so, like, the Jaguars fate will be determined by the majority of the season that remains. How deliciously novel! "Too strong a statement?" questions this maverick of the blogosphere at the end of the column. Look, buddy. A strong statement is something along the lines of, "The Cleveland Browns are an absolute toxic cesspit of godawful quarterbacking and no offensive talent who could probably find a way to make a bye week still somehow come up a loss, and I fully expect Jacksonville to mash them into oblivion." You're more like, "I expect that several players wearing outfits that indicate to which team they belong will line up opposite one another on the field and possibly throw or otherwise move an oblong ball back and forth along the turf, perhaps even resulting in points scored at some juncture... ooh, did I overstep my bounds there?" Honestly. How do these people have jobs?

I really need to, like, stop perusing I think it's making me dumber.

Basketbawful says: Let me put it to you this way, I picked up the Jacksonville defense off of waivers as a one-week fill-in simply because they're playing the Browns.

Cincinnati Bengals over Houston Texans. I hate the notion of picking the Bengals to win anything that's not the Nobel Prize for Sucking (previous recipients include Eric Gagne and every M. Night Shyamalan film after The Sixth Sense), but a) the Bengals are not an 0-16 team, and b) the Texans are not a 3-wins-in-a-row team. This seems as good a time as any to mention that I met a guy last night who's a big Texans fan, and he was talking my ear off about why they should start Sage Rosenfels under center. I told him he was an idiot and laughed in his face. You can't teach this kind of charm, kids.

Basketbawful says: I'm all for trying to pick an upset, but this is like a five-year-old bed-wetter going up against an autistic fifth grader. It'll be an embarrassing slapfight, sure, but my money's still on the bigger kid. I'm taking the Texas Toasts.

Tennessee Titans over Indianapolis Colts. Take one of the league's best running games and mix it with a run defense that couldn't stand up to an old lady with a feather duster, and what do you have? Like 8,000 yards apiece for LenDale White and Chris Johnson. Don't fight the rhythm, baby.

Basketbawful says: It's hard to pick against my Colts...but the way they're playing makes that easier and easier every week. Much as I like to man-crush on my boy Peyton, I don't see Indy taking down the league's last unbeaten team. Unless, like, they wire their defensive line with explosives. Of course, that would still require them to, like, make actual physical contact with Johnson and White...

futuremrsrickankiel's Week 7 Record: 11-3 WOOO!

Season Record: 39-31

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