Texans over Browns: Let me state up front that is kills me -- KILLS ME -- to take Sage Rosenfels on the road against anybody. Seriously, I think chunks of skin are falling off. But I can't possibly pick the Browns to pull off two uplifting (for them, anyway) wins in a row. That event would be more dangerous than Mr. T crossed with the Large Hadron Collider. The world would EXPLODE.

world explode
Pray for a Houston victory. For all our sakes.

If only I could pick neither of these teams to win, but that's impossi...wait a second...

Bills over Chiefs: Let's see: A bewildered and reeling Bills team or a Chiefs squad that's lost 18 of its last 19 games? I think the choice is clear, especially since KC has the league's 32nd ranked defense (402.5 YPG). But just in case you need one, here's another reason I can't pick the Chiefs. Herm Edwards is terrified of Buffalo's special teams...to the point that I'd be willing to bet he checked under his bed for Roscoe Parrish and Terrence McGee last night. "The really scary part right now is kicking the ball (to Buffalo). You almost want to kick it out of bounds, give them the ball on the 40 and get it over with. Even when we were in New York (as Jets coach), Buffalo was always good on special teams. It dates way back to (Steve) Tasker. It seems like they've always had good kickers, good punters and return guys. It's become a tradition in Buffalo. They're dangerous, they're scary." BOOGA BOOGA!! Was that scary too, Herm?!

booga booga

Here's another Hermism that explains why I can't pick the 1-9ers: "We went through a lot of this when Dick (Vermeil) first took over," Edwards remembered of his early days with the Eagles. "We lost a lot of close games, then one year—30 years ago today -- we win the fumble game we had no business winning. After that, we got it going. I remember it like it was yesterday, but we took off as a football team after that game. We made it to the playoffs (in 1978), and eventually to the Super Bowl (after the 1980 season). I really believe that when that kind of thing happens to this team, they'll figure it out. It happened for us in Tampa, it's happened everywhere I've been when you're trying to rebuild a team." Yes. Everywhere you've been. Except, of course, where you are right now. But why get back down by details. Go Chiefs! (But not really.)

Patriots over Dolphins: There's every reason to pick the Dolphins. Except that this feels like of one of those games the Patriots are going to win specifically because they're supposed to lose. I've seen it happen way too many times with these guys. I mean, look, Miami deserve a lot of credit for being 6-4 after last season's 1-15 fiasco, but the last two home squeakers against the Seahawks (2-8) and Raiders (also 2-8) didn't exactly convince me that the 'Fins are ready for their big boy pants. Plus, New England is going to want some revenge after the way Miami humiliated them at home in Week 3. This is going to be like Peter Griffin versus the Patriots all over again.

family guy

Titans over Jets: I've read a lot of articles this week in which the authors were picking the upset. That made me nervous. Then I saw that Bill Simmons is picking the Jets too. And you know what that is.

bad sign

Broncos over Raiders: Hmmmm. Let me think about this one...

Raiders suck

Yup. Goin' with the Broncos. I mean, Jay Cutler has thrown for 19 touchdowns already. The Raiders have 9 offensive touchdowns THIS SEASON. So, uh, yeah.

Colts over Chargers: This week, LaDainian Tomlinson said: "We're not out of it but it's like, the blown opportunities we keep on talking about, when we could have been easily tied with Denver right now. And whenever you keep blowing opportunities, then at some point, as they say, opportunities don't come about anymore." This doesn't sound like a former MVP running back getting ready to face a defense that gives up almost 140 rushing yards per game. It sounds like a man giving a concession speech.

Uh oh. Looks like he just realized you can only
say "Wait till next year!" so many times...

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Anonymous AK Dave said...

That post on the Large Hadron Collider was awesome. I forgot I was reading about football for a few minutes there... I think Mr. T could take that thing, though. Especially with Face, Murdock, and Hannibal backing him up. No problem.