"Okay, who's with me?! Anybody?! Bueller?!"

Not my best work, and it's late. But it's been a rough week.

Rex Grossman: His numbers weren't awful (20-for-37, 173 yards, 1 passing TD, 1 rushing TD and an interception) and the kid tried. He really did. But then again, my buddy Evil Ted's kid tried to draw his family and the end result just looked like a homeless man had fallen asleep on the paper. You know? The Chicago crowd hates him no matter what he does, and that hatred turns to an almost blind rage with every overthrown/underthrown/poorly-thrown pass. He may be the second-most hated sports figure in Chicago history. Next to Steve Bartman, of course.

The Tennessee running game: They entered the game ranked third in the NFL in running the ball. Then LenDale White and Chris Johnson combined for 22 yards (including -5 in the first half) on 24 rushing attempts. By the way, those 20 yards were just one above their franchise low. Their efforts could hardly be distinguished from some random guy just grabbing the ball and immediately falling on it. Which, ironically, is what former Bear Cedric Benson used to do when he was here.

The Bear's pass defense: Kind of a misnomer, since they didn't play any. Kerry Collins sliced 'n diced them up for a season-high 289 yards and two touchdowns on 31-for-40 passing. Collins had enough time to develop a cure for cancer in the pocket, and at times it looked like the Bears weren't even trying to contest passes. At one point, Brian "I'm sure glad I got that guaranteed money over the summer" Urlacher just stood and watched a Titans receiver catch a ball right in front of him. And Urlacher wasn't even the guy who made the tackle. By the way, Collins became the fourth straight quarterback to put together a season-high passing game against the Bears, joining Dan Orlovsky (292 yards), Gus Frerotte (298) and Matt Ryan (301) in successive games. Brian Griese (407) did it too. This makes Chicago the second favorite team (to Detroit) of opposing quarterbacks.

Brian Urlacher: In addition to his pass defenselessness I mentioned above, Urlacher had only four tackles against the Titans. It was one of the six lowest outputs of Urlacher's career and the fourth time in five games he has had five of fewer tackles. Man, I'm so glad the Bears locked this guy up through 2020 or whatever.

Jeff Fisher, quote machine: "It's nice to win a ballgame and not play well." Yeah. That's...great.

Yahoo: Can somebody explain why there's a picture of Kurt Warner in the Titans-Bears game recap?

The New Orleans Saints: With their season on the line, they got thumped 34-20 by the surging Falcons. Drew Brees threw for 422 yards and two TDs, but he also tossed a season-high three picks, the last of which was returned 95 yards by Chevis Jackson for the game-clinching score. The Aints are now 4-5 and a serious longshot to make the playoffs. This team can't defend, can't run the ball, and can't expect Drew Brees to throw the ball 50 times a game without making some mistakes. What a waste.

Drew Brees, quote machine: "This was extremely frustrating," Brees said. "We're better than this." You sure about that, Drew?

The Packers' rush defense: I mentioned in my weekly picks that Green Bay had a lousy run D and would get trampled on by Adrian Peterson...but even I didn't expect Petey to go off for 192 yards. Moreover, Peterson ran for 40 yards on four rushes in Minny's final 69-yard scoring drive...and he ran the game-winner in himself.

Adrian Peterson: The hero was also kind of a goat in that game. Vikings coach Brad Childress challenged the spot of a no gain on third-and-1 midway through the fourth quarter. During the review, Peterson stomped off the field and was yelling toward the coaches. He then fumbled on fourth down and the recovery was short of the marker. Maybe nobody outside of Footbawful is going to remember that, but it's a sign that AP is kind of a douchebag.

The St. Louis Rams: Ugh. Double ugh. Triple ugh. Let's face it, there aren't enough ughs for this team. They lost 47-3, and they only got that close because the Jets took mercy on them after building a 40-0 halftime lead. Stephen Jackson didn't play. Marc Bulger sucked something awful (6-for-13, 65 yards, 2 sacks, an interception and a QB rating of 29.3) only to get replaced by Trent Green, who sucked almost as badly (5-for-10, 70 yards, 1 interception, and a QB rating of 33.3). The team lost three fumbles. And according to Yahoo, the team's "top performer" was Antonio Pittman, who rushed 13 times for 28 yards. It's reaching the point that I'm afraid Googling "St. Louis Rams" will destroy my computer.

Jim Haslett, quote machine: "It was embarrassing. That was bad football all the way around. I can't even describe it." Like I said, there aren't enough ughs in the world.

Calvin Pace: In the first quarter, Pace recovered a fumble and returned it 50 yards for the score. After the game, this is what he had to say about it: "Somebody was looking down on me today because if it had taken another bounce, I might've kicked it out of bounds. I had enough burst to finish and get into the end zone." Somebody looking down on you...? You really think that God was responsible for that? Trust me, He wasn't. The Lord wants nothing whatsoever to do with the Rams right now.

New York versus Philly: These two defenses have made a lot of fantasy owners happy this season. And I'm sure most people expected more of the same this week. WRONG. The two teams combined for eight offensive touchdowns and over 700 yards of total offense. Basically, if you were counting on these Ds to push your fantasy team over the hump, then you lost. Big time.

Road cookin': Little calls here and there are supposed to go against the road team. But that did not happen on Sunday night in Philadelphia. There were two iffy calls that went the Giants' way...and swung the game in the process. First, New York went ahead 27-24 two plays after a reversed call gave them a first down at the Eagles three-yard line. Manning's 17-yard pass to Kevin Boss on third-and-10 was initially ruled illegal because he appeared to release the ball from beyond the line of scrimmage. But the Giants challenged and the call was reversed. Later, Brandon Jacobs lost the ball at the goal line on the two-yard touchdown run that made it 36-24. The Eagles challenged...but officials upheld the original ruling. Sorry, Philly fans. I guess this is karma for that whole World Series thing.

Mike Singletary: Apparently, the Niners were fired up by seeing Singletary's little Samurai Mike last weekend, because they put forth one hell of an effort against the Cardinals. But they made a dumbtastic error at the end of the game that cost them the victory. With a chance to run the ball in from the two-yard line for the game-winning score, Singletary gave it to Michael Robinson...and not Frank Gore (who had 99 yards on 23 rushes). Then Singletary threw offensive coordinator Mike Martz under the bus. "I think Coach Martz felt that there would be a cavity inside, so he made the call," Singletary said. Nice, huh? Maybe Martz should drop his pants, now...

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Blogger DDC said...
Bawful, I know you're busy, but a special mention has to be made for Andy Reid's 4th quarter coaching. He used challenges on 2 consecutive plays, one on a Jacobs fumble when he was clearly down by contact. That left him with only one timeout left for the game, which was especially needed for the Eagles' last drive. Which Andy boogered up as he's wont to do. He ran two consecutive running plays for Brian Westbrook, which the Giants predictably snuffed. Hello Andy, newsflash: YOU'RE TEAM ISN'T A POWER RUNNING TEAM!!!!!! Does he not remember what happened to them at the end of the Bears game?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Just when I thought footbawful was finally coming into its guys decide to leave us without posts for days at a time? It's killing me! How am I suppossed to avoid all this homework I have if you guys don't give me something to read? It seems maybe the NBA season starting has returned focus to the basketbawful site and left this site behind. Please start scheduling your life and devoting your time to the things I need!! I am a selfish bastard.