Chicago Bears over Detroit Lions. The spread on this game is only 3.5 points. Um, really? The Lions have the worst-ranked defense in the league against the run, allowing an average of 207.7 rushing yards per game so far this season. Meanwhile, Matt Forte has already rushed for 347 yards (6th in the league) with an average of over 15 carries per game. Now, I'm no gambling woman myself, but I'd say the odds on the Bears covering in this game are about even with the odds on me enjoying this tasty farm-fresh Macintosh apple I brought for lunch. Count on Adewale Ogunleye, though, to keep things in perspective. "We all know that anything can happen on Sunday," he says. "Last year they came back and scored like 100 points or something and beat us, so we have a bad taste in our mouths." You know what won't leave a bad taste in my mouth? My apple. This apple looks dee-licious. Where were we? Oh, right. The Bears will definitely win this game.
Basketbawful says: In a battle between two teams who rarely fail to cruelly disappoint their fans, I'm going to have to bow to the greatness of the Lions in this particular venture. Which mean, although they will undoubtedly try to keep things interesting with a few careless turnovers, the Bears will win this one despite themselves.
Atlanta Falcons over Green Bay Packers. Aaron Rodgers' shoulder is reportedly fine and dandy, but the Green Bay defense is not. Atari Bibgy is questionable, Cullen Jenkins is out, Al Harris hasn't practiced all week, A.J. Hawk has a groin injury... the list goes on and on. These Falcons have all the staying power of tuna salad on a warm day, but the Matt Ryan/Michael Turner magic should be more than enough to overcome the limping Packers.
Basketbawful says: I don't care if the Packers D is made up of a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign and a couple wads of dryer lint, do not be seduced into backing the Falcons on the road. I repeat for effect: Don't do it. It's like walking away from your friends in a horror movie and saying, "I'll be right back...." You won't be back. You will never be back.
Seattle Seahawks over New York Giants. Speaking of spreads... the line on this one is up to Giants -9.0 at some places. Pshh. Pshh, I say! The struggling Seattle Seahawks (sexy!) have had new life breathed into them by the returns of Bobby Engram and Deion Branch as well as the even return-ier return of Koren Robinson. Meanwhile, the Giants are minus Plaxico Burress and his enormous ego (so that's really like 2 receivers) and, yes, are still quarterbacked by Eli "Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop" Manning. No chance I'm picking the Giants in this one.
Basketbawful says: Let me get this straight: I'm supposed to back the Seahawks, a team whose QB has a bulging disc in his back, just because Deion Branch (who's old and coming off reconstructive knee surgery) and Bobby Engram (who's old and upset over his contract status) are back? Against an undefeated Giants team that's rested and playing at home? Nope. Not doing it. I didn't arrive in this reality yesterday, you know. Hey, Matt Hasselbeck: Welcome to the New York Sack Exchange.
Philadelphia Eagles over Washington Redskins. Just look at these wacky NFC East standings:
1. Giants 2. Redskins 3. Cowboys 4. Eagles
Yeah, that doesn't look right. This game should be a step towards restoring order. Brian Westbrook is still questionable for the start this Sunday, but the Eagles have one of the best defenses in the conference and I simply don't see the Redskins pulling off a road win against this team. I know they're 3-1 and all that good stuff, but, like... they're still the REDSKINS, people.
Basketbawful says: Yeah, word has it Jason Campbell's mother has already been called in to identify his remains after Sunday's game against the Eagles. And his dental records have been ordered, just in case. Not a good sign. Eagles will fly like... uh, Eagles.
Carolina Panthers over Kansas City Chiefs. It's a rough week to be named after dislocated, disenfranchised, and generally downtrodden indigenous peoples, I guess. "Oh, but FutureMrs, the Chiefs beat the Broncos last week!" Even a broken clock is right twice a day, kids. These Panthers have a solid defense and are simply chock full of offensive options for Jake Delhomme to play with. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are still cooking with one of the most impotent offenses in the league (ranked 30th in passing yards and 29th in points scored per game). Which is like cooking with, erm, a really lame stove, or something.
Basketbawful says: Even if I thought Kansas City had a snowball's chance in a really lame stove -- and I don't -- I wouldn't have the guts to pick against the Panthers, given the fact that FutureMrs is so in love with them at the moment. That would be like telling a psychotically proud parent that her newborn baby wasn't the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, and that it actually looks like a potato-headed mutant. You don't do that. Not if you enjoy having your eyeballs comfortably in your eye sockets, anyway.
New Orleans Saints over Minnesota Vikings. The gruesome downward spiral of the 2008 Vikings is sure to continue this weekend against the mighty passing arm of Drew Brees. Sorry, Minnesota! At least you have the Twins in the... oh.
Basketbawful says: As a Saints fan, this game makes me nervous. Adrian Peterson could easily run all over this team. But fortunately, I honestly believe that the Minnesota players and coaching staff are too inept to let that happen. And that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Or maybe that's the shot of Maker's Mark I just downed.
New England Patriots over San Francisco 49ers. Know ye this: 1) I will never pick against the Patriots. Simply won't happen. Ever. We could be playing the Mike Martz Rams quarterbacked by the ghost of Johnny Unitas in the Mushroom Kingdom from Super Smash Brothers and I'd still pick the Patriots. End of story. 2) The 49ers are a colossally mediocre team whose 2 wins have come against an eviscerated Seattle offense and the freaking Rams. Thus, I'm picking the Patriots. But you already knew that.
Basketbawful says: I've learned time and time again over the last half dozen years not to pick against the Patriots, because they always make me regret it. Then again, I'm looking at an uninspiring New England defense that got torched by Ronnie Brown and Ricky "I sure could use some ganj right now" Williams. Bill Belichick is supposed to be the master of strategic adjustments, but he let his D get fooled by the old direct snap play four times against the Dolphins. Matt Cassel is still the starting QB, and somehow I can't believe that Randy Moss is happy about that. My brain is sending these signals that say, "You CANNOT pick San Fran. You CANNOT." But scew it. This is my ballsy pick of the week. Niners all the way.